top of page

MACÁNTA

PSYCHOTHERAPY

Worrying about worrying: what is meta-worry, and what can we do to stop it?

  • Writer: Alan Byrne
    Alan Byrne
  • Jun 27
  • 10 min read

Updated: Jul 3


Why is it that we worry about worrying? The quick answer is that worry is an evolutionary protective mechanism. When the brain anticipates a potential threat, it funnels your attention in its direction, while simultaneously preparing your body to fight, flee, or freeze. However, when you begin to perceive this protective mechanism as a threat in itself, that perception triggers a secondary alarm. The result? You end up worrying about worrying, trapping yourself in an exhausting mental loop. This is also known as meta-worry.

In this article, I will break down the mechanics behind this secondary alarm system and provide four concrete, clinical strategies that can help you worry less about the fact that you are worrying.

Why Do We Worry in the First Place?

First, let us dismantle a common misconception:

The idea that all worrying is inherently bad and unproductive.

If your worries are excessive, irrational, and actively hindering your daily life instead of helping you, then yes, that specific loop is problematic.

If, on the other hand, your worry is rational, focused on something important, balanced, and prompts you to take proactive steps to prevent problems before they even arise, then that form of worry is both healthy and helpful.

Worrying About Worry: Primary Worry vs. Secondary Worry

To break the cycle of worrying about worrying, it is important to understand the structural difference between primary and secondary worries, and how the latter can result in vicious cycles.

  • Primary Worry: A natural, evolutionary response to an anticipated external problem, event or situation (e.g., bills, health, or career changes).

  • Secondary Worry: An anxious reaction to your own internal state. This happens when you become afraid of the thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations associated with the primary worry.

  • The Vicious Cycle: By fearing fear and worry, you inadvertently trigger it and prevent the natural coping process to play out, which can increase your discomfort and even lead to anxiety or panic attacks.

A behavioural psychology flowchart illustrating the cycle of worrying about worrying. The diagram maps out how an initial trigger causes primary worry (an evolutionary protective mechanism), which, when interpreted as an internal threat, escalates into secondary anxiety or meta-worry, trapping the individual in an exhausting mental loop.

How Primary Worry Can Be Helpful

Imagine you have an important college assignment due in 30 days.

If you deem it highly important, your brain calculates the stakes:

“Not prioritising this threatens my academic progress; prioritising it will dramatically decrease that risk.”

As a result, your brain will likely trigger a healthy, primary anxiety response to prompt effective action.

You stop putting the task off, begin your research, take notes, and sit down to write.

Consequently, you achieve a satisfactory result.

If you lacked the capacity for primary worry entirely, you would lack the capacity to truly care about the outcome.

Without that care, the likelihood of performing well drops, and the chances of negative consequences increase.

Managed properly, our baseline ability to worry helps us navigate future obstacles, leaving us with fewer things to worry about in the long run.

How to Stop Worrying About Worrying

As a psychotherapist, and a former chronic worrier myself, I believe the critical first step is transforming how you relate to your anxiety when it surfaces.

If you perceive worry as an inherently dangerous or "bad" state, you will naturally attempt to suppress or run from it.

The moment you try to run from anything, be that inside or outside of you, your brain senses danger.

Running from worry triggers the secondary worry response: you become intensely anxious about the fact that you are feeling anxious.

The ironic thing is this but: running from a natural, biological response - anxiety - is like trying to run from your own foot.

Your attempt to completely avoid anxiety becomes the very catalyst that sustains the worry loop.

Which begs the question:

How Do You Change Your Relationship to Worry?

Let me answer that by asking a question that might initially sound ridiculous:

Are you your hand?

Obviously not.

Your hand is a highly functional part of you, but it does not define your entire identity.

You do not overidentify with your hand; you simply recognise it for what it is:

A helpful tool.

When it comes to worry, however, you may currently lack that healthy psychological separation.

You merge with the worry the moment it arises.

Like a dark cloud appearing in the sky, instead of observing it from a safe distance, you get sucked up into it and carried away by it.

The goal is to cultivate the exact same recognition for your worry as you have for your hand:

It may be part of you, but it is not you (the whole of you).

This simple shift creates the mental distance required to observe the storm without getting swept up in it.

By recognising it as a part of you, rather than the whole, you open up space to recognise other parts within you.

Strengths that can help you manage the worried and anxious parts.

Here are four practical, clinical strategies you can use to create such space and build a healthier relationship with your mind:

1. Give your worry a friendly name

Imagine your brain and body as an internal factory, and your various thoughts and emotions as individual workers.

While each worker is distinct, they collaborate as a unified system.

Now, imagine one of your colleagues is a well-meaning but overly reactive friend.

They have your absolute best interests at heart, but they care so intensely that everything you do makes them incredibly nervous.

They constantly vocalise their panic, sometimes helping you, oftentimes irritating you, startling you, and even terrifying you.

An overly anxious friend does not need to be shouted at; they need reassurance.

When you firmly but gently let them know that you are safe and can handle the situation, their nerves settle.

Your worry is exactly like that well-meaning, panicked co-worker.

At its core, it is just trying to protect you from harm.

To maintain your role as the clear-headed factory leader, give this anxious part a specific name, such as "Anxious Alan" or "Wayne the Worrier."

2. Defuse from the worry friend

To defuse means to create space between yourself and an intense thought (or emotion).

When a wave of anxiety hits, your default setting is likely to say, "I am anxious." 

This is what I call a "merged self-statement".

You have stepped entirely inside the dark cloud, becoming one with it.

Defusion allows you to step outside the cloud to observe it, without needing to force the cloud out of the sky.

The next time you notice a worrying thought taking over, alter your internal language by adding a mindful prefix.

Change "I am anxious" to:

"I am aware that I am having the thought that I am anxious."

See the bit of space it creates?

In this space, you can recognise the thought for what it is:

Just a thought.

Not a fact. Not a command.

This space also provides a helpful buffer; rather than impulsively acting on the thought, you can do what I suggest doing in step 4.

Once you practice this for a few weeks and become comfortable with the distance it creates, swap out the clinical phrasing for the name you gave your worry part:

"I notice that my good friend Anxious Alan has just entered the building, and is feeling anxious."

This not only helps you create more distance from the thought, but it also completely depersonalises it.

You are no longer the thought.

The thought came from a part within you, and you are also not that part.

3. Reassure this anxious part

Once you have identified "Anxious Alan" and stepped out of his cloud, your natural instinct might still be to suppress him.

But remember:

Anxious Alan is only shouting because he genuinely believes the building is on fire.

If you panic or get angry at his presence, you inadvertently validate his alarm.

Your brain assumes that because the manager is panicking, the threat must be real, causing your secondary worry to skyrocket.

Instead, practice compassionate inner leadership.

Acknowledge the part, validate its protective intentions, and gently remind it that you are the one steering the ship.

When a worry spiral begins, follow steps 1 and 2, and then acknowledge it internally:

"Thank you for looking out for me, Alan. I know you are trying to protect me from failing, but I am safe right now, and I have this handled."

By offering direct reassurance instead of resistance, you stop treating your anxiety as an active threat.

When the anxious part realises the manager is calm, your nervous system can naturally begin to down-regulate.

Now, I know you might be thinking "Its a bit strange talking to myself, or talking to the part within me that is feeling anxious".

If that thought makes you apprehensive about trying this exercise, recognise this:

  • We all talk to ourselves (internally) all day long. And if you're highly anxious, its likely that a lot of that self-talk isn't too nice

  • If the exercise is "strange" but it helps, then is it actually strange?

4. Ask: “What is one helpful action I can focus on right now?”

Worry thrives in the abstract, frozen vacuum of the future, spinning endless "what-if" scenarios while keeping you paralysed in the present.

To break this paralysis, you must pivot from passive processing to active engagement.

This relies on the psychological principle of Behavioural Activation:

Changing your physical actions to shift your emotional chemistry, rather than waiting for your mood to change first.

When you catch yourself trapped in a secondary worry loop, and have defused it by following the above steps, I would then recommend asking yourself these two questions:

  1. "Is focusing on this worry actually helpful right now, in this moment?"

  2. "If not, what is one helpful thing I can mentally focus on and physically engage in right now?"

The key is to keep the action incredibly small and immediate:

  • If you are worrying about a mountain of admin, your action might be to a) take five deep breaths, and b) open just one email or filing one document.

  • If you are worrying about your physical health, your one action might be going on a short, mindful walk.

By channelling that anxious energy into a concrete, physical task in the present moment, it can help shift your brain out of threat-monitoring mode.

When this becomes habitual, it helps starve the secondary worry loop of fuel, anchoring you in the safely manageable present, and allowing the background noise of your mind to naturally pass by, like clouds in the sky.

Conclusion: Reclaiming Your Role as the Internal Leader

Worrying about worrying is an incredibly exhausting cycle, but it is vital to remember that the primary anxiety itself is not your enemy.

It is simply a well-meaning, hyper-vigilant worker in your internal factory, shouting to keep you safe from perceived danger.

The real trap is your secondary reaction, the fear, anger, and resistance you throw at the worry when it enters the room.

By changing your relationship with your mind, giving your anxiety a name, defusing from its absolute statements, offering it calm reassurance, and pivoting to a tiny physical action, you step off the emotional merry-go-round.

You stop treating a protective reflex as a threat.

Over time, as you consistently practice these steps, "Anxious Alan" will learn that he no longer needs to continually shout.

You are back in the leaders chair, the ship is steady, and you are entirely capable of handling whatever comes your way.

Counselling for Worrying

If you have tried implementing self-help strategies and your mind still feels like an unmanageable factory, remember that you do not have to navigate this loop alone. Real, lasting relief often begins with professional, compassionate support.

At Macánta Psychotherapy, we provide specialised counselling for anxiety tailored to help you untangle chronic worry, regulate your nervous system, and reclaim your mental autonomy in a safe, confidential space. You don't have to wait for the storm to clear on your own.


Recommended Reading: Deepen Your Anxiety Relief Toolkit

If you want to expand your psychological toolkit and explore more evidence-based strategies for managing a racing mind, browse my comprehensive clinical guides below:

Professional Disclaimer

The information contained in this article is for educational and psychoeducational purposes only and does not replace one-on-one professional psychotherapy. If you are experiencing an acute mental health crisis, severe panic that mimics a medical emergency, or feel entirely unsafe, please contact emergency services immediately or reach out to the Samaritans by calling 116 123.

Alan Byrne, counsellor and psychotherapist offering counselling in Dublin 12 and online across Ireland.

About the Author

Alan Byrne is an integrative psychotherapist and Mental Health Counsellor based in Dublin 12, offering counselling and psychotherapy both in person and online across Ireland. He holds a Bachelor of Science (Honours) in Counselling and Psychotherapy from the Irish Institute of Counselling and Psychotherapy (IICP) and is also a pre-accredited member of the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (IACP), working under the supervision of a fully-accredited IACP member and psychotherapist.

Alan works with individuals experiencing anxiety, depression, addiction, burnout, and other life challenges. His approach integrates several therapeutic perspectives, including Person Centred Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and psychodynamic approaches. His work focuses on helping people understand underlying patterns, develop practical coping strategies, and move toward meaningful and lasting change.

Before entering the field of psychotherapy, Alan worked as a personal trainer and health coach, supporting people in improving their overall well-being. His work now brings together psychological insight with a holistic understanding of how lifestyle, habits, and emotional health interact.

Alan’s work is guided by the ethical framework of the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. To learn more about his background and therapeutic approach, you can visit his About page or view his verified professional listing on Psychology Today.


Comments

bottom of page